熱帶魚

(2013/March- )
孔夫子之后..

我在意大利街头踢了路一脚I kicked the road in Italy
From Greece region I accepted the dancing dress, as if a little arrival,I immediately again travel to Italy.2012/12/30
Was wearing jeans all day long then. Jeans light jacket, slightly thicker jeans pants.
Did I wear an umbrella? I forgot. Deja vu(wrong spelling yet to be corrected), after smile smile. After a dark figure, figure. Didn't quite remember, really. Was backpacking with a almost dark green school bag... nolstagia, if looked from now.
I was still a half little girl at that time, heart wet easily, some said to me, "Swollen", it's quite pitied I knew nothing, at that time. It was and is just like the flower I received at my sixteen-- in the protected glass(this referred to "Ban chulian, invited by Cai Xinlong), does the colour of the rose changed? By one or another one??
Is rose purely ironic? or is it a rosy pure iron,
a poet who can be a great poet as well as a good man, it is an mission impossible? Is there a poet who demand
another poet, to be a great poet? or a good man?
To be or not to be, it is yet, to be defined?
A man looks like coffee, a man makes good taste of coffee, which one even more like the role in phantom, in opera, who sang well?
In other words, is sexy and sensual the same?
Copied from retired city beauty editor: Love beings sexual, sexual not necessarily being loves. There are many possible meanings for S.
Anyone walk from China to France？ The one prefer Chinese style of kissing skill or Frank style?

Love is of course beyond age. of course beyond social status. In church a doctorate holder friend with her partner- who woke up early everyday to work as throwing rubbish man. Many years ago. From, memories.
But, I'd follow my first "audience" of the year and, laugh?
If we tried to measure love with messy momentum, just a moment..do I need to log on before I write here?
The Regret of Isadora
Some thoughts to ponder on: Here is not about right or wrong. [Youke liring sang] Some said, if your only tool is a hammer, surely what you can do is nailing. I couldn't agree more, even. Was that about attitude?I dare not make judgement.

(1)Years in Leipzig
I could still yet heard the sound of the tram... .

Memories float... I got up early, almost everyday. The reward will be, my lover would just wait for me at the entrance of his office, which, the ground floor is the Ancient Egyptian Muzeum. ...

Rainer, I didn't know you're there at that time, it was like what said Johnny, "Walk to the left, walk to the right...."

Something unpleasant happened then. To whom I could talk to? How could I explain, I went to this place, which smells with your smell, not because of Yap Ah Loy. No. definitely not. Not because another woman. Not because any siblings.

Just because of a man. A man whom decided to love me. And thus made me love him back.

Andreas, his name is Andreas, a man so refine and artistic, that himself is like an art.

Not because of what he had, he owned, he taught me, to love, is to enjoy the lover as an companion. So even if we're thrown onto an island, we will still enjoy each other's company.

He cooked for me...
Did he?
We have cooked for each other...

Andreas.. noone would call him so, Rainer, you know. Just like you, who have had in fact more than one, two, three, four.. five... name(s)... . .... Yes, Rainer, my lately 'harvest', one whom I finally could claim 'I once heard about you in the wind, and now I see you with my own eyes...'. I kind of finally learnt to separate your work from you [oppsss... really a bit late for me, someone like me... who had claimed to know you as if many years, ten or five?]. I admitted, now I admit no longer, Rainer, I 'discriminated' you, you who had grabbed my heart with your so refine thoughts, I had (but not you, Rainer, personally you whom I do not.. know... it was like a denial, it wasn't in fact, it was a faithful encounters.), finally, probably just a bit, still, in my eyes...

Rainer, singer sang about 'After finally'. I fear. No.

Time flies, you know. Rainer.. time flies....(2013.3.29)

I do not want to care, right or wrong, any longer. Am I right or wrong?

You whom hid in my memories, and now you are a pair of wings, or a pair of eyes? Please continue, Rainer, your beauty, your unique pursued language... thoughts.... thus.. your world.... only you.

We met once, twice? Finally, I saw you, and I don't remember you.

The sea wind is blowing, again? If you cry out, I won't respond. This time. Only if you ask me, why?

I don't know. Rainer.
I don't know, why.

Rainer, I can only talk to you. You are the lost one, and I can trust. When you are alive, I don't know who you are. After your death, ... are you dead?

People... talked about how you called on.. angels.... and guess or discuss, what angel.

But Rainer,.. that's not relevant to you and me. Why cared?
I care, only, the moment, when I felt, we have met... . have we? : )
I dare not call you mine.

Shhh, Rainer. In a winter, I met Tagore. ... In a summery winter, or just cold weather, in my imagination? I.. was caught by your beauty, : ), Rainer, finally I knew you're beautiful, for that, did you pay high price?
But beauty is priceless.. it is invisible... it is unspeakable.
It is silence.
It is, speechless. Or,
sometimes.., too talkative. I fear the terror.
I fear the beginning, so I politely excuse myself. Am I right or wrong?
That's the old question. I should not, ask.9.17

I would not ask, right or wrong. I ask, if allowed, if accurate?
I share you with you, : ) I shared, when you came to me, before my dream oh foredream is much better than...

Rainer, I do not demand you to be perfect, that would be too imperfect... What I did not demand, you already had fulfilled. Elegies...

I thought it was meaning sorrow, BUT! it was, is, joy! It overwhelms me, 'drain'ed into my soul as if...
I shared... I share d with a man, whom I thought very much like you.But, I might be not so right.. I didn't regret. Times pay off.What should come, come. And I met you. I thought I met you, but I didn't really?
Did I look into myself into a mirror only? Who told me life is but a mirage?

Rainer, if whom you met were me, we could imagine even more... but luckily we made it. I made fun with you. No. It's not funny at all. Did I laugh?
I could (have) made phantastic love. But Rainer, you have got no heart. You have no ability to appreciate true beauty. So I tried instead, to feed you with ugliness.
But you have no appetie either. How sad.
Then you just follow ma. At least that's what you can do.

Then, how? You want me to be your fish. Are you sure? A fish whom feels so happy in the water. Do you have water? To keep me happy? Just like what Rainer did, during the mythical half-mid nite?
Yes, I have nice silky long hair now, to make soft curtain...

I'd be bit more reserved than just now.... am I allowed then? I don't want to loose you, I mean, I do not want to lose my own love for you. I do not want to really hate you from my own heart.

In which year did you go to Arles? I do not want to check. You're there. I went there.. not for you!
But now it seemed it is for you! How amazing life could bring surprises to some? When it included me, I feel grateful? May be yes, may be no.
It depends, on the situation.

But you're there... did you see me, quarrel (oh goshhh!!!), with him? No.
You didn't.
I meant, did not, Did you?

He'd never 'quarrel' with me. He'd just ran away- when he sensed I might just run away?
Once a handsome man asked me, "Are you a 'run-away'?" I smiled
and cried, in my heart. We all made mistakes during younger than youth.
He'd never 'quarrel' with me, that meant war.

So it became real treasure, when I could meet a 'quarelling companion'?
It depends, either. On the source of the topic to be quarrel with... and the location of his soul... And it became a real sorrow.. when I knew him and he did not know himself.
When I knew he did not know himself because of situation beyond our controls...
This is meaningless? Or should I make it meaningful?
I am not at the age of trusting Tango.

Strange, Rainer. You are wild and you are cool. You're wild,
I know you. I knew you not. I thought I have known you, in a space whom no one knows
a time no one realized.
We are of similar species, not at all ways, though.
How would you address what your eyes see if I paid a visit to you? A gangster-like woman,
a girl,
or a child, from Petaling Jaya? You might let me occupy a humble tiny space in your glamorous diary, or Journal. Rather notebook?
Rainer, , 'am not a girl, not yet a woman' )))
AM just curious, if you're in this era, the typical virtual space world, while what virtual (Ah, what you're 'praised' by FZ 'comrade' (you might hate this title, or you may tolerate; Auden said, war is but no experience to Rainer. But it meant time.... we all know.)- turned the flowing into scupture.
DO you know Isadora? .. I met her in Greece.
Danced by her side...... in jeans skirt. You're there? Also?
I was the 2nd one, the 2nd from the left. Standing still, in the area where Athena was crowned with olive thorns, or should it be leaves, instead? Athena, though not Aprodite (I rather prefer "hermaprodite', 'Comrade Rainer', ah don't hit me, this is real kidding-lah~)
Rainer... though I couldn't be 'an Aprodite' (I played this role before, in a philosophy student's eyes. He suggested a cover of Boticelli for my "Living Metaphor", oh of course he had not forgotten to imagine himself as the man who wore red robe within- I secretly flew through my mind at nowhere in Taipei. Taipei, you know, a place where people secretly took you as the symbol of "E-x-i-s-t-e-n-t-i-a-l-ism"-- ,which Sartre denied. Sartre's denial shouldn't be a surprise, why should we, right? He also denied Nobel? Am I wrong, or not? Alas, I should have not repeated such 'foolish' answer in question.), I might can try to be 'an apple in Rainer's eyes', mmmmm!!!!!
Those are my sweet thoughts during my wonders years. I do not forget.
Rainer, I've got up slightly too early. Did you experience that?
You must have. You must have had.... . Rainer, need not pick roses for me, I'd rather you live long.
Rainer! Did you 'proof read' your poem over and over again?
Or you did it in one go? No body asked you such 'shallow' question, did any body?
I myself rarely proof-read, , kind of lazy, oooppps. Rainer, you appreciated no English, according to my impression.
My next move would be, trying to verify if a 'English memo' was really out of your own hand. (memo is not nemo, you know, You like to play or dance with words, same here! In this sense, we are a 'couple', ))
Oh, I deal with "Rilke" (this is such a big name, also, in the continent where I stay,... I know it is of no surprise to you. Rainer, I turned cold suddenly, yes, I turned cold, my heart. But I am a little candle, search for me whenever you need a little light, a dim one, when you "REALLY" need happiness. The kind of happiness I offer to you is in silence, reachable via only a sensitive, soft bliss like, gentle, sensitive heart, Rainer... ) in way of 'archaelogy', this sounds not very
up to date?

(2)Post-mermaid life
(3) Searching for My Rilke
(4)I hate myself for not loving you

(5)My letters to the poet I fell for

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