熱帶魚

我那时很佩服HX哦. 除了“必杀技”之外
尚有， 啊
在租借录影带（穿帮)中心瞥见他提出“DIRTY DANCING". 天，
近三十余， 啊哈（又穿帮）， 某啦， 十多年后，
仍旧， 好奇究竟肮脏之舞蹈演些什么，
也小小依然佩服HX这么小就“敢”借此带。
Dirty dancing, 单听就脸红觉得很肮脏。（想问
刘富良有没有这张带又不敢）
因为是HX，我“原谅”他。 照旧佩服他
的乒乓球技。

【中间悬空】

也可能是我仅有的一次机会 拿总冠军， 指的中学时， 唉，
因为HX忽然决定“站出来”表态支持太紧张， 输了。 我如何
可以在那双目光背后炯炯注视下既优雅又凶狠地
杀球？

唉， “往事并不如烟”。致敬之。呵呵。
唉

[ 點閱次數：2754 ]

(戴著帽子﹐ 這是一定要的。)

Is Herbert still in Miri?

Y blamed me for that.
But Herbert was "hit" in Vientiane.(Guan1 ngo2 meh4 si?) Not KL!

Herbert treated me well... that is all that I can remember. Ya, he is a casa nuova(here it should be viewed as impressive, don't forget Herbert is 86, or 88?), he is this, he is that, those "commentary" of his daughter for him I see as compliment coz it is nothing relevant, aha.
From the angle as an audience , those "flaw" became something interesting turning around actually, if not merely. ..

Herbert, you are not "the others"-- according to "this" country standard. Of course this is nothing new, you know, I know. I did not( I didn't and don't even need to say so) care what happened to you in Vientiane, or happened in the space beneath your door once it is closed-- which indicated Herbert,you probably want to reflect on your own or take a good enough rest. And so on. I have never cared. About those.

I meant.

Would I bring my colouring sungalsses to see Herbert?Just, because I have heard about all below?
-Herbert loved a girl from v.tiane at his 80s.
-Herbert used V.

Ehem. I am impressed. As long as not inf sorry affected.
It is not easy. Once the poet Woon said, his friend lost interest in beauty that means finished. Woon's love life I don't know. But the affection to beauty is one of the evidences of the love for life, that could not be too wrong.

I am easily treated by men in a way, in another way not.
Herbert sang son g? to me... OH

"Oh Spanish Eyes... "
Moreover he sang not just once trice.
He chorus!Dan

[ 點閱次數：5015 ]

Waterfall
(very raw draft, proof read not yet done. Read with and incare.)

1. Ein paar Leute
suchen das Glueck
und lachen sich tot

And when the time bowed toward the River... ....

I would really like to reconstruct the love story of my daddy and my mum, if possible.
It all started from a river... this verse has got a very deep meaning to me.

I love my father, of course, he is probably the man that I have loved, and am still loving, most in my life, this had nothing to do with so called "mania" if some mistook (sorry to point this out)before. I simply love him and thought, he is the perfect man in the world. Though men did and do not necessary to be perfect!

And that is why whenever talking about fathers it has to go back to a river... .... . (this was where my mum's memories about my father started...... )

But wait. I am convinced I should write a fiction instead of a non-fiction, let me reverse a bit... just a little bit, to get back to A River......

That is how this story get started...

My niece once telling me, Ama always repeat such words, “At that time, I picked a pail gathering water from the river... ”

My mom is beautiful... . If my dad is the perfect man in the world, my mother thus is, and was... the purest face in my mindful heart. I relate her to.. the lake greenish blue... ..... . . (hu2shui3 lang2, as we said in Foochow). Mom said, her life, the earlier part, according to Jiu jiu, obviously so much like 'kuxin lian*'. How I wished, could still trace it back,.. . herstories, my mom.

Till now I can laugh, and cry... already.. mum, she promised me many things. Once she promised me pear as I got sick, but never turned out, I 'forgave', though little, at that time. Mom 'bluff' she knew how to make 'kaya' or bun , but; no evidence so far,.... so good.

I have remembered the first bicycle in our home... .

I made use of it. Learning bike, it all started from pushing the vehicle, I did it first time when I was a kid.
It was a stainless-steel.
Almost, slightly higher than me? I couldn't totally recall.. though it is just an impression;it nevertheless reflected an image in my heart. Under the sky of
tropicana region a kid, at that time, held and pushed a two-wheel vehicle... .
my heart wets.....

I 'had' a "Mother in law" at the age of five. It was kindergarten.
Was 'married' to Luxi without me knowing, when I looked back from now, Ah, yesterday once more. We have Luxi and Keli, not just me, I can't imagine. How could that be? It was a wood, in pure wood colour whether or not burnt not sure really. ( Later, much later I owned a 'qin'... . , I just adored it, it whom made of wood.)
I didn't leave the topic, I am talking of bicycle, still...

I would first recall Luxi? Whom own the first pair of eyes, which, (cough)attracted another pair of (beautiful)eyes ?
I would like to first recall Keli, … Keli whom I’ll never meet again in real person… ….

Keli is dark, need not said, dark chocolate, I thought chocolate is dark enough.
Keli has jiu3wo1(dimple)on his cheek(or cheeks?)...
Luxi is also dark, not darker though. I am impressed so much......, my Luxi, at that time, afterwards turned into an electric man-- maintenance man.
But still Keli should be priority here, in order, my chu1lian4! Mmmmm!
Okay, let's continue, a bit.
The bicycle of Luxi's ma3ma1, carried 3 kindergarten kids! Could my dear readers imagine, three little ones hanging on a pure colour wood hung between the seat and the holders of a, bike??

I didn't see Keli again after our secondary school... ....
Had he become a handsome boy, man, till then?

But it was Luxi, my "Mother in law"'s boy. Not realized it even when I at once, at 5, rushed out from my mouth-- "My dei a ma..." Alas! All my sisters stared at me. WHAT? What did you say? You "admitted"?(I am my dad and my mum, lovelyproducedAi4qing2jie2jing1.)

But I am not (that) important, here what important are my mum and my daddy.

My mum loves my dad very much, and vice versa.
On and off...
My wai4gong1 had opened an exhibition for his Art in HK many, many years, (so many)ago until I could not recall actually... I had never seen my wai4gong1. A lingnanpai artist. My loss, frankling speaking. My mother, she said, or declared "If I were had to study, I would have become a scientist", kuo-oak-ga, she referred not just to a "normal" person in endeavour of the field, but the expert or even the top cream. I knew what she meant. She is, she was... ....

Waterfall, my wai4gong1's masterpiece artwork although it just occupied a little while ,if painting means times.

And who said and say? Ren2, human, or man, oneself, if not cared about oneself, even the sky and earth would killed him.I nevertheless should touch abit on once own at leastt one times.

For nor backward me, as I reflect, I have never changes. I wasn't sure who occupied and occupy a space for my , so called "chu lian", ren2 said, "not cared about sky long earth long, only owned once"*, nil, that is not me. During my youth, my slogan was "Not cared about only owned once, cared only sky long earth long." Am I being mean? Yes I am. I learnt from my post-university era friend, Ariel, till sky abundon earth old then.I also do not believe so..

[ 點閱次數：5677 ]

Sketch on Shen Congwen (No. ii)

“The biggest meaning of life
based on the might of application
for the nature or artifact and be heartfully overwhelmed. "

Lim Chin Chown, Translation: Ee Ping

[ 點閱次數：6830 ]

道风山上认识的半生熟朋友。当时“天人之际”的作者（何）也在。好时光～～

呼喚“工頭” 孫友聯﹐ you are wnated! You are wanted!
: ))))))))

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And when the time bowed down toward the Rivers... ....

On father’s Degeneration
By eL, Tr. By Apple

From the beginning this Peninsular is Father, very wet.

Later this house is Father, very quiet.

And after this, this well is Father, very deep.

The last this scene of view is Father, very cold and clear...

"Silence has already grown until our inner part"
-- Chen Qianghua (1960- )

內部的細節/ 林颉轢 詩集
挤不出版社

1 Becareful, Fallen leaves will lightly pulling, our so heavily homesick.

My Nanyang

My Nanyang, is of sense of desperation, it countlessly begging the bone pluckedly back shadow, fallen into own, difficult to once again founding, abstract, the sitting pose, in my historical knowledge waiting for inner hurt, or, infection.

. The Nanyang that I know, skillful in conquering own grammar
--

Because of Love, they destroyed the hidden trick,
the surrounding doubting, guessing, longing
of worries, discovering only left with ruins......
(Little Universe/ Chen Li)

--

銹鉄时代
邢诒旺詩集 （1995-2004）

First Collection Homeland Beneath the Crayon (1995-2000)

Smear a home on paper
Red Yellow Orange
Warm your Heart

Above the roof there is blue Sky
Blue sky has got returned wild goose
Crows return home

Below the roof Children are Watching
Two cats fighting
"Meow!"
Man chasing cats
Scattered
Childhood
Homeland Under the Crayon

Year 1995 Award Winner of the First Secondary School Student Literature Award In New Poem Category

[ 點閱次數：6694 ]

那個我生命裡的中國人
在真正懂人事之前，他是個遙不可及的人。我只知道，每天早上他都提著一個陳舊的大皮包去做工，那皮包的拉鏈是無法拉上的。他每天早上總燒一壺熱水洗臉，喝了一瓶雞精什麼的，然後就把那一個皮包掛在腳車其中一邊把手上，騎到籬笆開每天的第一次門。
每天早上六點半之後，他就從我們的生活中消失，一直到傍晚六點後，透過木屋的牆壁或地板傳來一陣腳車煞車掣的摩擦聲，才再一次回到家中。於是家裡的氣氛頓時肅穆起來，我們不可以再高聲嬉笑吵鬧，誰白天打架，也已是講和的時候。是的，哪一個小孩搗蛋，只要媽媽說一聲「今晚告訴爸爸」，或者一句「爸爸就回來了，看你還敢不敢」，誰不乖乖就範！更嚴重的當然是媽媽拿起電話筒的手勢，嘴巴也念著我打電話囉！總之，那時只知道他是爸爸，是權威的代名詞，甚至「爸爸」即是和媽媽結婚的人也是後來看到姐姐當古董珍藏的未上框大相片中，穿著西裝和婚紗的他們才恍然大悟。
媽媽和我睡同一間房，大概是為了照顧以前尚年幼的我，而又不欲打擾爸爸睡眠的緣故所做的安排吧！不過，媽媽對爸爸房裡的東西是瞭若指掌的。例如爸爸忘了把錢鈔從口袋中取出，090
或者早上出門前忘了關窗，媽媽總會去巡視一趟，把每扇視窗關緊，免得灰塵或蚊子飛進來。她不許我們小孩子在裡頭流連，老是怕我們把糖果什麼之類帶進裡面去吃。只有在被吩咐做跑腿時，我才名正言順的進去他的房間，有時是幫他拿毛巾沖涼、有時是拿他的衣服給媽媽洗，他穿過的衣服總是帶著鹹鹹的魚腥味、或者是蝦乾江魚仔之類的氣息，我往往一邊拎著一邊跑，以便快快把它們扔進洗衣盆裡。
約莫我十歲時，他學車了，不久就買回一輛小貨車，也開始自己醃鹹魚了。放學回家，如果看到樓下一簍簍鮮鰻魚，我就知道下午的遊戲時間泡湯了。那整天，全家總動員，他負責切開魚頭魚身，大姐二姐三姐負責把魚的內臟殘漬清洗乾淨，置入放滿鹽花的大洋灰缸，我則幫忙扯緊魚卵，好讓四姐、五姐或大姐較易剪開。如果人手多，我可能就轉而協助洗濯已剪開的魚卵，或將它們整齊排列在報紙上，讓陽光曬乾。接著的幾天，我們都必須留意曬在場地上的鹹魚和魚卵，可別讓野狗野貓銜了去，或被雨淋著了。
雖然犧牲了玩兒的時間，可是在殺魚醃魚的過程中，卻是我感到最親近他的時候。因為，他總會時不時發號施令，糾正我們的錯誤，或催我們別貪玩，好趕在天黑前完工。有時姐姐手指累了，把卵子剪歪，爸爸也會喝一聲：「這樣剪怎樣出去見人？」
除了制鹹魚的時候，我也借著聆聽早晨破曉時分爸媽的談話來接近他，。有一段時間，聽說是什麼「經濟不景氣」，爸爸說鹹魚檔的生意非常冷清，有時歎息站了一整天，腳酸得要命，只
那個我生命裡的中國人　091
賣出一兩條魚。而那段日子，運輸新鮮魚隻的大羅厘車很久沒出現我們家門口，洋灰魚缸也空了許久，有一回姐姐們還提了十多桶水，跳進裡頭游泳呢！
隨著長大，我的興趣多樣化起來，學姐姐們收集起郵票。我發現爸爸桌上偶爾有貼著中國郵票的信封，奇怪的是爸爸通常把用不著的紙丟掉，那些信封不管是破爛還是完整的，卻依然可以在桌上待個好幾星期。我是潛意識好奇的，輾轉從爸媽的談話中聽得有一位叔叔在中國，叔叔還有許多孩子呢！我想，多奇怪啊！叔叔為什麼跑到老遠的中國去呢？
後來又聽到媽媽和姐姐們談起婆婆以前怎樣先嚼爛食物再放入她們口中。我趕緊追問自己是否也吃了？媽媽說，正當我還在她肚子裡的那一年，婆婆回中國去找叔叔，所以我是唯一沒見過婆婆的孫女。
不知何時爸爸又創出新花樣。一天，三輪車夫運來好幾袋用藤簍裝著的「馬拉煎」的東西，家中充斥一種鹹鹹、濃厚的蝦味。他自己把它們又搓又擠地弄成一條條小圓筒，又買回許多白色風箏紙、紅色、透明的小塑膠袋，更神奇的是一張張印製精美的招牌紙，上面有爸爸的名字和我們家裡的電話。我非常得意，偷偷帶了一疊到學校派給同學。原來那一切都是新工廠的前奏與佈署，我和姐姐們都是當然的員工。
大姐已出國念書去了，二姐也開始當秘書，三姐即將面臨會考，於是新工廠的工作就由我們較小的四個包辦。四姐較大，懂的事較多。一回在包裝「馬拉煎」的當兒，她憤憤不平罵一句：092
「我們這麼辛苦地做，爸爸賣了、拿到的錢就寄回中國了！」我們全部都嚇了一跳。「為什麼呢？」「寄回給叔叔囉！要不然婆婆會傷心的。」「什麼？誰叫他住那麼遠嘛！叔叔自己沒有工作嗎？」「哎呀，你不懂，在中國賺不多錢，很窮啦！」「我們也窮嘛！」「誰叫他跑去中國？」「他本來就在中國，是爸爸和姑姑離開了那兒！」「啊？―爸爸是從中國來的？」一場吱吱喳喳的討論中，我發掘到這個天大的秘密，原來爸爸以前是中國人，我宛若發現了爸爸新身份一般的驚奇。
一次晚飯後，我大著膽子問：「爸爸，你從中國來的呀？」爸爸毫不驚訝地看我一眼：「是啊！」媽媽接腔：「那時他才比你大幾歲呢！一個人，只帶了一套衣服，加穿在身上的總共只有兩件。婆婆只交給他一個二毛銀角，就這樣出來了。」嘩！是這樣的啊？……爸爸好似陷入回憶，緩緩說：「坐了一個月的船才到達。」我想了想，平日買一包蝦條就得還三毛錢啦。不解的問：「怎麼只帶兩毛錢？那裡夠用呢？」爸爸笑了：「哪有你們現在這樣幸福呀！家裡沒錢，公公早就去世了，那兩毛錢還是婆婆怕爸爸餓死了，才忍著給了來。」
自那次起，我比較敢跟爸爸說話了，雖然，要買書買簿子或還學費還是通過媽媽向他要，也許因為知道爸爸小時候如此辛苦，也或許由於知道爸爸也曾像我一樣小過。另一方面，我為著爸爸傳奇性的從前暗暗驕傲，覺得爸爸敢十多歲一個人坐船到老遠的地方，還真是個英雄！那個我生命裡的中國人　093
爸爸仍舊是不苟言笑的。我漸漸長大成少女，雖然對他的畏懼已減少很多，但因著本身的生理變化，自然也不好意思膩住爸爸講話了。我小學的時候，爸爸借著做生意的需要懂得好些馬來話，所以做功課也偶爾向他問問生字。上中學後，這樣的機會少了。爸爸所懂的已不足應付我的需要，而且，我也已經懂得運用字典。
大姐拿到文憑，回鄉開始工作。離開四年後的她一回來就嚷：「爸爸老了很多！白頭髮這樣明顯。」那大抵是第一次爸爸和「老」字扯在一起。
也許外國人極講究衛生吧！大姐也學到了。她不再像從前一樣和我們一起津津有味地吃爸爸從魚檔帶回的鹹魚，尤其是那些變紅了，賣不出去的。她說很多人吃鹹魚中了癌症，我們聽得大驚，也跟著不吃。直到一天，媽媽在午餐時罵：「爸爸說，你們長大了，懂得嫌棄了！你們還不是靠鹹魚養大的，如今就此瞧不起了嗎？」大姐低下頭，低低地說：「是不衛生嘛！和出不出國唸書不相干呀！我隱隱意識到爸爸的尊嚴被我們這種反應傷害了，悄悄恢復了吃鹹魚。」
爸爸卻真的如大姐所說，一年比一年增多了白髮，也開始鬧風濕病和頭痛。他發號施令的姿態不知不覺少了，更早睡覺，也更少召集「開工廠」包「馬拉煎」。我挺高興，說爸爸現在較溫柔了，沒以前嚴厲。五姐瞪我一眼：「爸爸老了，容易疲累，也比較衰弱了，沒精神管太多事。你還高興呀？」094
爸爸真的是老了。他宣佈已經超過國家限制往中國探親的年齡，所以打算參加旅行團回故鄉探望婆婆。我們也都很歡喜，覺得爸爸難得可以這麼高興。誰知，就在啟程前的兩個月，爸爸接到中國來的信，捎來婆婆已於一星期前逝世的消息。爸爸那天提早收工，我一放學，他就在家裡了，還和媽媽談著婆婆以前在這兒如何疼愛孫兒的話。我看著爸爸微紅的眼，不知怎麼眼淚就湧了出來。姐姐後來罵我造作，都沒見過婆婆，有什麼好哭的。
爸爸去中國的那天早上，四點多就起身了。穿著特別縫製的米色西裝，以及出席喜事才穿的皮鞋，早就準備好上飛機。
一個月後回來，爸爸帶回一本照滿故居、婆婆的墳地的相簿，臉上表情悠然，令人感受到一種已了卻一樁儀式後的釋然。
爸爸繼續著早出晚歸的生活。哥哥姐姐大都成家立業了，紛紛勸爸爸退休。爸爸淡淡說一句：「我還做得動，等阿小大學畢業了就退休吧！」他仍然騎腳車去上工。媽媽不讓他駕車了，一來他老花眼、二來手腳不靈活，怕要發生意外。
我在選擇往外國留學或在本地大學升學期間，心情頗鬱悶。爸爸堅持我留在本地，說是鐵飯碗一個。我認定他是抱能省則省的心態來決定，猜想是為了哥哥們多些家產繼承，忍不住對媽媽嘀咕了這些話。媽媽喝止我，說爸爸聽見了是會傷心的。媽媽從沒有用那樣沉重的口氣對我說話：「你爸爸今年幾歲了你知道嗎？快七十了！早就該退休的人，卻還天天從早站到晚，為的是誰？他的手每天都鬧風濕痛你不懂啊？」我呆住了。爸爸的每日那個我生命裡的中國人　095
生活片斷一幕幕從我腦中掠過，我第一次那麼深沉地觸摸到爸爸的愛，視線一片白濛濛……模糊了，也濕透了……
我乘飛機去大學報到的那天，起晚了，爸爸已去開鹹魚檔。我若有所失，十點隨飛機離去後，一年後才會回來！爸爸總是不講究道別這一套，唉！
九點鐘，我把行李搬進車廂，姐姐得載我進去機場。車子彎出籬笆門，我依依地從車前的反照鏡眷戀家園最後幾眼……驀地一個黑點來得有點急，越來越大，越來越明……像是……爸爸！我忙叫姐姐停車。爸爸的腳車也發出熟悉的「玆」一聲停下來。
我搖下車窗喊：「爸，再見！」他看著我，點點頭。姐姐再開動車子……家……真的遠了……
「爸爸怎麼這樣早回來？」我與姐姐閒聊。
「特地趕回來送你的。」姐姐白我一眼。
「什麼？……哎，他回來……不會是也想去機場吧？」我心一動。
「應該是吧！」
「啊……」我轉頭一望，早已看不到他的身影，只有那不見起點的路……心中一熱，感到自己的喉嚨哽住……原來他一直在守護我，廿多年的日子，他默默在路上陪著我，看著我走……
我想起五十多年前、那個北方來的少年，一身粗布衣，孑然一身從船上下來，一臉茫然站在岸上，望著陌生的地方、陌生的人……心中不由既疼痛又幸福地痙攣起來……

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*本人電腦打不出三把火﹐除非用手寫﹐那就...

INtroduction of Recommendation--
As if seeing a person hit on the Wall/ The Drawer

Bright WOOD/ 艷麗的木

I at the weekend reading your Poetry feeling the innerself of the Poet... .
got some desperation, but somehow condensed, the emotions.... roll the "yan"?

Sometimes, feeling as if seeing someone hitting the wall...
Ai! But this man sincere. SAY. A me at this age, hitted the Woll? He will not, just because of the others seeing,
and that, pretending as if not hitting wall.
However that's the current situasi. Naren had/having/ have hand(s) open. Such Say:

{ F/f uer 你﹕ >>

T

" Bang-sa jiwan Man-gsa? ??]

[ 點閱次數：5539 ]